No flying cars or hoverboards, but we do have new umbrella technology!
1. Wearable mouse
A wearable computer mouse..
2. No blind spots rearview mirror
Cops and race car drivers have been using these for years, my only question is: WHY AREN’T THESE IN EVERY CAR BEING MADE?!!
3. Drunk person’s keyhole
The designer of this keyhole would probably tell you it was made for “the convenience of a society that’s always on the go” or some other bs. We all know why this keyhole was really invented though — $2 shot night at The Drunken Scotsman.
4. Digi ink scanner pen
I’m not an illustrator, but if I was, holy crap this pen would be at the top of my Christmas list!
5. Spokeless bicycle
Finally, a bicycle that’s immune to random sticks popping up into my spokes. Goodbye forever, head concussions!
6. Ferris wheel bike rack
I gotta admit, this thing is pretty cool looking and I’ve always wanted to send my bike on a fun carnival ride. I just envision it breaking and my bike being stuck at the top, OR somebody hooking a bunch of babies onto it to make a baby ferris wheel. Yeah, it’s only a matter of time before a baby ferris wheel incident happens.
7. Compact shoes
Well done shoe inventor guy, where do I send my money?
8. Sleep-grading alarm clock
This wearable alarm clock tracks your sleep cycle. It doesn’t really do anything to improve your sleep, but you will have the piece of mind knowing that you only got 4 hours and 19 minutes of actual sleep because of your Halo addiction and can look forward to feeling like shit at work all day.
9. Solar powered rocking chair
I’m sure these are already on the front lawn of Google, but just when exactly will your company be getting them? Never. You’ll never get to use these.
10. Traffic signal hour glass timer
Wow, does this seem like a horrible idea. People already speed up at yellow and gun it at green lights, do we really need to turn traffic lights into a countdown clock for the Indy 500?
11. Built-in wall extension cord
Now you can plug that chainsaw or leaf blower into any wall socket you please with the built-in wall socket extension cord.
12. Wearable umbrella dome
Umbrellas have remained largely unchanged for centuries, and this umbrella pod looks only slightly less stupid than the umbrella hat. Still, the chances of wearing this and not being rejected from all social circles is minimal. Ten buck says that girl is talking to an imaginary friend on her phone because she lost all her real friends for wearing this umbrella pod.