As told by a guy.
By Shawn Binder
Men are fickle creatures. I say this because I know — I am one. And while we could spend hours arguing about whether or not men are highly evolved emotional creatures, I am here to tell you that for the most part — things are black and white. When it comes to relationships, we like to be comfortable but we also like to keep things exciting.
In essence, we want to have our cake and eat it too, which is why most men are only vague about things when we’re unsure whether or not to end a relationship. We tend to rationalize staying with someone because they make us feel safe, while totally forgetting that love and safety are mutually exclusive feelings.
If you’re unsure whether or not your man is on the fence about the relationship, I’ve compiled 11 tell-tale signs he definitely is.
1. He throws himself into work way more.
If your man suddenly starts logging long hours at the office even though he only tolerates it so he can afford rent and his Mountain Dew addiction, take this as a sign he’s getting ready to leave you. As hard as this may be to hear, if a man wants to be home next to you on the couch he will be.
Take note of his work schedule and if you start to notice that he is rolling up at 9pm every night, don’t take it as a sign of cheating, take it as a sign that he would rather be selling his soul to “the man” than be with you.
2. He surrenders to his vices.
If you begin to notice that he isn’t even trying to keep his smoking/ drinking/ PokemonGo addiction in check, then you need to take it as a sign of deep unrest and unhappiness. People love to be healthy and well-balanced when they’re in love because they’re proving to the other person: hey I won’t leave you and totally drain you for all you’re worth.
If your S.O begins to stop trying to keep their favorite way to “unwind” in check, it is time to consider that they’re getting ready to bounce.
3. The sex has stopped.
It would be idiotic to say this applies to every relationship. Everyone who has been in a serious and committed relationship knows that the sex stops to some degree eventually. If you’re young and you’ve gotten used to only seeing one person naked all the time, it is nature for things to slow down.
Having said this, if he seems disinterested in your body even when it comes to kissing you — it is a very clear sign he is over the relationship.
4. You question his touches.
If when you do force a kiss or a hand-hold out of him and he seems to recoil from it, remember that men are easy in the sense that if they want to be with you, they will be. Yes, it is as simple as that.
5. He constantly seems distant.
If you feel more alone when you sit down with him than you do when you’re by yourself, as painful as it may be it is probably because he is already halfway out the door. Even the moments when you can bring him back down to earth feel tinted with sadness because you know by morning he will be gone again in his own headspace, unable to see the good you two shared.
6. Whenever you ask him if he is OK he is strangely ‘great’.
One of the most tell-tale signs that something is terribly off in your relationship is that when you notice he is sad or down, yet when you ask him if he is okay he is suddenly ‘great,’ tale that as a sign of everything actually being the worst.
7. He lets himself go.
If the sex doesn’t go first, his body definitely will. In giving into his vices and all that comes with it, chances are he will stop caring about himself in the way he did when he was trying to keep you around. This doesn’t mean you love him less, but just that he doesn’t love himself and the relationship enough to keep himself evolving and appealing.
8. He picks fights for seemingly no reason.
No, he is not actually upset you ate the last bit of Doritos or forgot to put your socks in your sock drawer–he is just finding any little reason that is tangible in order to walk out that door.
9. He stops mentioning the future.
No, he hasn’t forgotten about all the plans you two had to spend the holidays with your parents this year. Or about that trip to Europe you always wanted to do. He stopped bringing up the future with you because he no longer sees one.
10. He has frequent mood swings.
If you no longer are able to tell if something will set him off or make him happy, it is clear he isn’t sure you make him happy anymore.
11. Your heart tells you so.
This is the biggest indicator that something is wrong with the relationship and that he is ready to leave. Your heart knows better than anything else if he is still in love with you or not. Learn to listen to it and forgive yourself if you realize he doesn’t.
This article originally appeared on The Berry